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When I was planning to have children, it didn’t occur to me how my relationships with my friends without kids might change. I should have. I had had the experience when I entered a serious relationship and then again when I got married. With friends who hadn’t reached those milestones or didn’t want to, even as they were celebrating with me, there was always the hint of…what’s going to happen to us?In my fantasy, my world would have my children and my loving husband, my family, my friends and my work. I would have time to spend with each and all of them would be constantly supportive and interested in the children I had and the life I had built.But, as early as my pregnancy, I could see my fantasy wasn’t going to work out the way I had hoped. My best friend was upfront about my soon-to-be child: she was jealous. She (and then I) realized that this new little person would demand so much of my attention, attention I would normally give to her.Some of my fantasy worked out: she was incredibly supportive during my pregnancy, became my son’s godmother and developed a special bond with him. But the realities of our different lives set in as early as post-partum when I was disappointed that she couldn’t make it to the hospital to meet him. She still remembers the first time I tried to go out with her after he was born and had to cancel at the last minute. Both situations were ones we understood but the gap was already evident.We were very open with each other about our fears of losing each other. We had talked about it for months before my son arrived and continued to afterwards but now that we were in it, things felt a little tenser and harder to discuss. Neither one of us wanted to imply that the other’s one life or lifestyle was any less important…but we both felt sidelined sometimes.Continue reading.